Owning Your LGBTQIA+ Identity: Exploring and Embracing Orientation and Expression

If you have been questioning your sexual or romantic orientation, or struggling to accept your identity, you are not alone.

It's not always easy to figure out who you are. There are pressures from all directions to conform and be palatable. If you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, you are likely to face discrimination for your identity and expression; from systemic oppression, to family relationships, and even from others in the community who are close-minded to different experiences. You may also face internal conflict as you develop your sense of self.

With this in mind, how do you embrace your identity with confidence and pride and where can you find support?

First, let's take a step back to define some key terms within this broad and nuanced topic.

What does any of this mean?

This blog post will explore concepts related to sexuality, romantic orientation, and self-expression.

Sexual orientation: who you are sexually attracted to. In simple terms, this is who you desire to engage in sexual contact with.

Romantic orientation: who you are romantically attracted to. Who you want affectionate companionship and closeness with, beyond typical friendship.

These terms also refer to how strong these feelings are and how often they happen. Not everyone experiences sexual or romantic attraction.

Self-expression: your physical presentation and behaviour.  This can be tied to your gender or sexual identity, or be independent of these.

The acronym LGBTQIA+ encompasses these ideas. You may already know what these letters stand for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, Asexual/Aromantic. The terms relate to sexual and romantic orientation, gender identity and expression, and biological variations. The meanings of each of these labels vary greatly within the community and there is nuance to be considered when you are exploring which term fits you.

You might identify with more than one letter at a time. For example, being transgender and bisexual, or having a lesbian romantic orientation while being asexual. You could also use more specific “micro-labels” (represented by the +) to better describe your experience.

For some people, their orientation or identity changes over time, or they discover it later in life. You may find a label that feels right now, and later connect with a different one, or you may stick with the same one throughout your life.

There is no “right” way to figure it out. The human experience is diverse and your feelings exist regardless of whether other people understand. Despite the vastness and diversity of these experiences, people of all LGBTQIA+ identities deal with obstacles surrounding their membership in the community.

What might be holding me back?

Even today, exploring and expressing your orientation can come with many challenges. They may be personal, relational, or societal – often overlapping in complex ways with a strong push toward conformity.

Societal and Political: Social norms, politics, and laws severely impact LGBTQIA+ freedom and safety through discriminatory policies, to negative or limited media representation. These impact individuals, relationships, and communities.

Local Community: Cultural beliefs, religious institutions, schools, and workplaces can reinforce harmful attitudes and discourage exploration. It is difficult to express yourself in unsafe or unwelcoming environments.

Close relationships: Family, friends, and peers play a vital role in self-acceptance. Even in a more affirming society, rejection from those you interact with on a daily basis can be deeply painful and stifling.

Internal: On a personal level, you may feel confusion, self-doubt, or internalised shame about your identity. These feelings are often amplified by surroundings and can be detrimental to mental health.

Understanding and embracing your sexuality and expression often means pushing against these interwoven barriers. While difficult, this journey toward authenticity is worthwhile and you do not have to struggle alone.

How do I start to embrace my identity?

Reflect: Techniques such as journaling, mindful self-reflection, and deconstructing self-talk can help you to process your beliefs and feelings.

Explore: Allowing yourself space and time for curiosity is important. Self-discovery can be a lifelong process, and there is no time limit. Trying new things and playing with your self-expression can help you find what feels authentic.

Connect: You can build community through professional support, online spaces, local events, and friendships within the LGBTQIA+ community. Safe spaces provide an outlet for discussion and continued reflection, and help to facilitate exploration and expression

There is no set order for this process, and it is normal to continue refection, exploration, and connection throughout your life. Taking these steps can help you to feel more confident and comfortable in your identity.

How can a therapist help me?

A LGBTQIA+ friendly therapist can provide a safe, affirming space to explore your identity at your own pace. This might include:

Understanding yourself: unpacking your feelings, clarifying your attractions, affirming your expression, and exploring labels in a non-judgmental way.

Building self-worth and coping skills: challenging internalised shame, managing anxiety, and learning strategies to support mental health. Strengthening your self-advocacy skills in the face of discrimination.

Navigating relationships: exploring how to communicate your identity with family, friends, or partners. Supporting healthy communication and boundaries within LGBTQIA+ relationships.

Accessing community and resources: linking you with affirming networks, services, or support groups that strengthen your sense of belonging.

Therapy can help you feel more confident in owning your identity, while giving you tools to cope with the obstacles you may face along the way.

What can I do now?

If you want to live authentically, it is important to keep exploring and processing your feelings, and allowing yourself to express your identity. Through reflection, exploration, and connection, you can move to toward acceptance and pride.

There is no set timeline for self-discovery, and no need to rush; however the sooner you begin embracing yourself, the more time you will have to live in alignment with your truth. Questioning your orientation or identity is valid. Exploration is healthy. Embracing your identity is empowering.

At Psychwest, all of our therapists are LBGTQIA+ friendly and we would love to support you in self-acceptance and understanding, communicating, and connecting with others. Wherever you are in your journey, you are welcome here. Contact us today.

You can also visit the links below to access more LGBTQIA+ resources or support

https://www.lgbtiqhealth.org.au/

https://www.livingproud.org.au/resources/

Q-Life (3pm to midnight) 1800 184 527 https://www.qlife.org.au/get-help

Gender Diversity and the Trans Experience: Why are Trans Perspectives Important?

If you are seeking help as a parent or friend of a gender diverse (transgender or gender non-conforming (GNC)) person, it is important to understand the concept of gender diversity and to be guided by the experience of trans and GNC individuals. 

What is Gender Diversity?

Gender diversity is an umbrella term that describes the variety of gender identities. Gender diversity goes beyond the simple categories of 'man' and 'woman’ and works against the assumption that it is abnormal to cross over the culturally constructed boundaries that define and contain gender. Trans and GNC people reject the notion that your presumed sex at birth should have to dictate your gender identity, your expression, and your role in society. 

While it is useful to understand these concepts, you don’t need to know and understand every single gender identity that exists. It is far more important to show respect for people's gender identities, and to validate their experiences and feelings.

What is it like to be trans?

The answer to this question varies greatly between individuals, as each person has their own lived experience and life journey. However, there are a number of common themes and challenges that many trans people may face. Here are a few insights from the experiences of a trans person:

• Self-discovery – Some people know from childhood who they are. They may begin to break traditional and expected gender roles as a child as they learn to express themselves. As a child or adolescent, they may feel trapped in what is expected of them. They may choose to tell an adult about how they feel, or they may keep quiet. As trans individuals grow, they learn more about who they are, they may question and explore their gender identity and become more confident in themselves. This can be both freeing and challenging.

• Feeling uncomfortable – Many trans individuals experience gender dysphoria, which is a profound sense of discomfort or distress related to the incongruence between their gender identity and the sex they were presumed at birth. Gender dysphoria can relate to feeling discomfort regarding parts of their body that are impacted by puberty - such as facial hair, fat distribution, bone structure, and voice – it can also relate to feeling distressed about being perceived as the gender they were presumed at birth or being referred to or treated as such. 

• Expressing yourself – When people share their LGBTQIA+ identity, people usually refer to this as ‘coming out’. Coming out can be scary, as there are likely to be mixed responses, and some trans people prefer to start by sharing their identity with those that they trust. As a trans person, letting people in can be a helpful way to allow others to support and affirm your gender, and when someone tells you about their identity, it is important to ask them how you can best support them. They may want you to call them a different name or refer to them using different pronouns or gendered terms. The trans person may have started to present differently at this stage, or you may not have noticed any changes at all – either way their identity is valid.

• Facing discrimination –Unfortunately, trans people today continue to face discrimination, some examples of which include anti-trans legislation, hostile work environments, and barriers to healthcare, housing, and other services. Trans people often feel that they cannot safely express themselves due to discrimination. A lack of inclusive policies and language in daily life can lead to discrimination against trans individuals by creating environments where they may be misgendered, excluded, or forced to use facilities that do not align with their gender identity. Inclusive policies and language, on the other hand, promote respect, support, and a sense of belonging for trans individuals, as well as increasing access to healthcare and other essential services.

• Engaging in advocacy - Many trans individuals become advocates for trans rights and awareness. Trans people can support others by working to combat discrimination, change legislation, promote understanding and education, and spread hope to others who are on a similar journey. They may be able to work or volunteer in an area that directly supports other trans individuals, or they may help in other ways such as supporting their friends and being there to talk with them.

We acknowledge that the trans experience is a complex and nuanced topic, and do not claim to speak for all trans people. Therefore, it is important to listen to the stories and experiences of trans individuals to gain a deeper understanding of what it's like to be trans.

Why is the trans perspective important?

When you want to find more information about trans issues, the needs of gender diverse people, and what gender identity and transness means to trans and GNC people – the best source is the community themselves. 

If a gender diverse person wants to share their experiences with you, either to educate you or to ask for support, it is important to actively listen and ask what support they are looking for. Some trans and GNC people, however, might not have the capacity or information to answer your questions, and some questions might be too invasive. Therefore, If you are seeking education, it may be best to look into the existing literature. You can research trans activists and literature to help you understand more about the trans experience, and our psychologists can provide you with links to these online resources.

Here are a few of our recommendations:

Activists

• Schuyler Bailar

• Jasmine Vine

• Alok Vaid-Menon

• Jeffrey Marsh

Organisations

• TransHub

• Minus18

• FOLX Health

For further support, get in touch with one of our experienced Perth psychologists today by clicking here.