Owning Your LGBTQIA+ Identity: Exploring and Embracing Orientation and Expression
If you have been questioning your sexual or romantic orientation, or struggling to accept your identity, you are not alone.
It's not always easy to figure out who you are. There are pressures from all directions to conform and be palatable. If you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, you are likely to face discrimination for your identity and expression; from systemic oppression, to family relationships, and even from others in the community who are close-minded to different experiences. You may also face internal conflict as you develop your sense of self.
With this in mind, how do you embrace your identity with confidence and pride and where can you find support?
First, let's take a step back to define some key terms within this broad and nuanced topic.
What does any of this mean?
This blog post will explore concepts related to sexuality, romantic orientation, and self-expression.
Sexual orientation: who you are sexually attracted to. In simple terms, this is who you desire to engage in sexual contact with.
Romantic orientation: who you are romantically attracted to. Who you want affectionate companionship and closeness with, beyond typical friendship.
These terms also refer to how strong these feelings are and how often they happen. Not everyone experiences sexual or romantic attraction.
Self-expression: your physical presentation and behaviour. This can be tied to your gender or sexual identity, or be independent of these.
The acronym LGBTQIA+ encompasses these ideas. You may already know what these letters stand for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, Asexual/Aromantic. The terms relate to sexual and romantic orientation, gender identity and expression, and biological variations. The meanings of each of these labels vary greatly within the community and there is nuance to be considered when you are exploring which term fits you.
You might identify with more than one letter at a time. For example, being transgender and bisexual, or having a lesbian romantic orientation while being asexual. You could also use more specific “micro-labels” (represented by the +) to better describe your experience.
For some people, their orientation or identity changes over time, or they discover it later in life. You may find a label that feels right now, and later connect with a different one, or you may stick with the same one throughout your life.
There is no “right” way to figure it out. The human experience is diverse and your feelings exist regardless of whether other people understand. Despite the vastness and diversity of these experiences, people of all LGBTQIA+ identities deal with obstacles surrounding their membership in the community.
What might be holding me back?
Even today, exploring and expressing your orientation can come with many challenges. They may be personal, relational, or societal – often overlapping in complex ways with a strong push toward conformity.
Societal and Political: Social norms, politics, and laws severely impact LGBTQIA+ freedom and safety through discriminatory policies, to negative or limited media representation. These impact individuals, relationships, and communities.
Local Community: Cultural beliefs, religious institutions, schools, and workplaces can reinforce harmful attitudes and discourage exploration. It is difficult to express yourself in unsafe or unwelcoming environments.
Close relationships: Family, friends, and peers play a vital role in self-acceptance. Even in a more affirming society, rejection from those you interact with on a daily basis can be deeply painful and stifling.
Internal: On a personal level, you may feel confusion, self-doubt, or internalised shame about your identity. These feelings are often amplified by surroundings and can be detrimental to mental health.
Understanding and embracing your sexuality and expression often means pushing against these interwoven barriers. While difficult, this journey toward authenticity is worthwhile and you do not have to struggle alone.
How do I start to embrace my identity?
Reflect: Techniques such as journaling, mindful self-reflection, and deconstructing self-talk can help you to process your beliefs and feelings.
Explore: Allowing yourself space and time for curiosity is important. Self-discovery can be a lifelong process, and there is no time limit. Trying new things and playing with your self-expression can help you find what feels authentic.
Connect: You can build community through professional support, online spaces, local events, and friendships within the LGBTQIA+ community. Safe spaces provide an outlet for discussion and continued reflection, and help to facilitate exploration and expression
There is no set order for this process, and it is normal to continue refection, exploration, and connection throughout your life. Taking these steps can help you to feel more confident and comfortable in your identity.
How can a therapist help me?
A LGBTQIA+ friendly therapist can provide a safe, affirming space to explore your identity at your own pace. This might include:
Understanding yourself: unpacking your feelings, clarifying your attractions, affirming your expression, and exploring labels in a non-judgmental way.
Building self-worth and coping skills: challenging internalised shame, managing anxiety, and learning strategies to support mental health. Strengthening your self-advocacy skills in the face of discrimination.
Navigating relationships: exploring how to communicate your identity with family, friends, or partners. Supporting healthy communication and boundaries within LGBTQIA+ relationships.
Accessing community and resources: linking you with affirming networks, services, or support groups that strengthen your sense of belonging.
Therapy can help you feel more confident in owning your identity, while giving you tools to cope with the obstacles you may face along the way.
What can I do now?
If you want to live authentically, it is important to keep exploring and processing your feelings, and allowing yourself to express your identity. Through reflection, exploration, and connection, you can move to toward acceptance and pride.
There is no set timeline for self-discovery, and no need to rush; however the sooner you begin embracing yourself, the more time you will have to live in alignment with your truth. Questioning your orientation or identity is valid. Exploration is healthy. Embracing your identity is empowering.
At Psychwest, all of our therapists are LBGTQIA+ friendly and we would love to support you in self-acceptance and understanding, communicating, and connecting with others. Wherever you are in your journey, you are welcome here. Contact us today.
You can also visit the links below to access more LGBTQIA+ resources or support
https://www.lgbtiqhealth.org.au/
https://www.livingproud.org.au/resources/
Q-Life (3pm to midnight) 1800 184 527 https://www.qlife.org.au/get-help